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How To Talk about suicide

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Safe Space Arena

If you prefer it, you can listen to an audio version of this post on Conversations With a Therapist Podcast on Spotify, or YouTube.

Talking about suicide and asking people about their suicidal thoughts (passive more so) does not encourage or motivate them to take their own lives. It does not make them actively suicidal. By asking them the question, “are you having suicidal thoughts?”, you are not going to tell them something they weren’t already thinking.

Talking about suicide helps people understand they are not alone. It can help them problem solve, and realize that things will get better if they are willing to try to work them out.

How to Tell someone about your suicidal thoughts

  1. Approach a close friend, family member or professional. Make sure that this person is open-minded, non-judgmental, and capable of having this difficult conversation.
  2. Let them know that you’d like to have an urgent, uncomfortable conversation.
  3. Be open about your struggle and tell them what you need from them.

How to be there for someone who is suicidal

  1. Listen with empathy and compassion. Don’t judge them. Don’t tell them that they should not be feeling suicidal.
  2. Ask clarifying questions to understand if they are having passive or active suicidal thoughts, what distress they feel is contributing to these suicidal thoughts, and the support they need.
  3. Help them create a safety plan (Learn about suicide safety plan here)
  4. Connect them to resources and professionals such as therapists.
  5. Check in on them often to help them feel that they are not alone.

Things you should not say to someone who is having suicidal thoughts

  • That’s crazy.
  • Don’t be so dramatic.
  • That’s an awful thing to say/think.
  • You’re making too much of this.
  • That (insert whatever distress they are in) isn’t worth killing yourself over.
  • That’s not going to solve anything.
  • You’re just trying to get attention.
  • You’re not going to kill yourself.
  • It is a sin to kill yourself.
  • It is a crime to kill yourself.

These statements can be invalidating and feel judgmental to the person having suicidal thoughts. They will then close up and probably hide their struggles in future.

Things you can say to someone who is having suicidal thoughts

  • I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad.
  • I’m glad you told me.
  • I want to know. I can handle it.
  • How can I help?
  • We’ll get through this together.
  • Tell me more.
  • Let’s keep you safe.
  • Let’s find someone who can help.

Most suicidal people don’t necessarily want to die, but they are in pain, helpless and hopeless and they see death as the only option. It is okay to engage them to find out what they are struggling with, and try to help them with problem solving, so that they don’t end up dealing with a temporary problem in a permanent manner.

If you or someone you know has recently been struggling with suicidal thoughts, this is a good time to reach out for help. For Kenyans, here is a list of FREE therapy services and FREE suicide helplines you can call today!
FREE THERAPY SERVICES IN KENYA

In episode 1 we discussed why suicidal thoughts are not ‘normal’. Listen here or here.

In episode 2 we discussed why people consider suicide as an option and the warning signs you should look out for. Listen here or here.

On the next episode we will discuss how to create a suicide safety plan.


Subscribe to Conversations With a Therapist podcast using any of the links below to get notified when the episode drops.

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