If you prefer it, you can listen to an audio version of this post on Conversations With a Therapist Podcast on Spotify, or YouTube.
Before we jump into the warning signs you should be looking out for when it comes to suicidality, let’s first address a bigger question: why do people start thinking of suicide as a potential solution to their problems?
To begin with, we need to abandon the myth that every suicide is the outcome of ‘mental illness’. Suicidality can come up as a result of other challenges. There are 3 main factors that contribute to making people become suicidal. They are:
- Distress:
This can be in the form of depression, anxiety, loss, numbness, loneliness, relationship problems, financial and legal trouble, failure, rejection, etc. The reason this distress feels so big and insurmountable is because, when you are in it, every memory and emotion from your past, that resembles what you are feeling right now comes to the fore front, and amplifies your current pain. Your only frame of reference becomes the past experiences you have had that caused you pain just like this current issue. To curb the pain and deal with the emotional suffering, you find yourself considering suicide, because the assumption is when you are gone, you don’t have to feel the way you do right now. - Perceived hopelessness:
The feeling that this current distress you are experiencing is the worst and things will never get better, and the uncertainty on whether things will ever change makes you start to question the point of being alive. As mentioned before, the distress you are experiencing limits your frame of reference to only the negative and painful experiences you have had in the past. All the good times and experiences you have had seem unreal, you convince yourself that they were not true, that you were exaggerating them or you were minimizing how bad your life was. You start to see them as one-off events that will never happen again, and you are now stuck with this current problem. If you are in despair and you do not see any possibility of light at the end of the tunnel, then suicide starts to look like an option. - Thwarted belongingness:
Feeling actively rejected by a person or group you would want to be accepted by, and feeling that the world has isolated you can push you to the edge. Human beings are social creatures. Our need for belonging ranks high up on the list of things we can’t live without. When distress and perceived hopelessness meet thwarted belongingness, that’s a recipe for very high chances of suicidality.
Something to note, suicide attempts and completion happen when a person has already thought through the means or method they will use, and when they have gotten the capability to take their own life. Having the capability means they have overcome the fear of taking their own life.
Some suicides are impulsive, and some are planned. So you might not get a chance to engage with the person before they kill themselves, or they might not be any visible warning signs, because they can hide them.
Warning signs for suicide
How would you know that a person is not having a regular rough patch but that things are quite bad and they are considering suicide?
Here are some signs:
- Start by confirming whether the person has had a recent distress in their life. Check in to confirm whether they are feeling hopeful about the future and what their social life looks like.
- Having close friends and family members who have died by suicide.
- Having prior suicide attempts.
- Are they more withdrawn than usual?
- Heavy and reckless substance abuse can be a sign, which can also facilitate the capability.
- Depression, hopelessness, loneliness, excessive guilt.
- Long term illnesses, chronic pain, sudden severe disability.
- Suddenly looking for or purchasing lethal weapons or medication, without any valid reason to do so.
- Wrapping up loose ends, saying goodbye, being very nostalgic can also be a sign of suicidality.
- Sudden calmness after a struggle with depression or other challenges.
Note that some of these are not signs of suicidality when they are looked at in isolation. The signs of suicidality need to be examined holistically.
Most suicidal people don’t necessarily want to die, but they are in pain, helpless and hopeless and they see death as the only option. It is okay to engage them to find out what they are struggling with, and try to help them with problem solving, so that they don’t end up dealing with a temporary problem in a permanent manner.
If you or someone you know has recently been struggling with suicidal thoughts, this is a good time to reach out for help. For Kenyans, here is a list of FREE therapy services and FREE suicide helplines you can call today!
FREE THERAPY SERVICES IN KENYA
In the episode 1 we discussed why suicidal thoughts are not ‘normal’. Listen here or here.
On the next episode we will discuss how to talk about suicide, (how to tell someone that you are having suicidal thoughts and how to support someone who is having suicidal thoughts).
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Let me know if this has been useful to you, and share it with a friend. It shows them that you care.
Safe Space Arena 
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