Self-awareness is a meta skill. It is the foundation for learning everything else about life and being human.
The most simple and straight forward definition of self-awareness is that it is clarity on how you see yourself, your desires, values, passions, aspirations, motives, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses), and what impact you have on other people. It is the light that helps you see your values and where exactly you are going.
Levels of self-awareness:
To understand self-awareness and how to achieve it, the Johari Window comes in handy.
The 4 panes of the Johari Window
Open self– This is what you know about yourself and others know it as well.
Blind self– This is the stuff other people know about you but you don’t know about yourself. Your ability to seek feedback, and learn to handle criticism helps you become better at dealing with your blind self. The people who care about you will let you know this stuff, so be open and willing to hear them out.
Hidden self– This is the stuff you know about yourself but others don’t know about you. You can address this in therapy, or when talking to a trusted friend/partner. Your willingness to expose yourself and to be vulnerable helps you deal with any challenges here and having these conversations can help deepen intimacy.
Unknown self– This is stuff about you that neither you nor others know. It can be the underlying root of some problematic behaviors in your life. The statement “I don’t know why I act the way I do” is common in this window. The best way to find out what lies here is going to therapy or exposure to new people, places, things, situations and maturity with age. This exposure helps you discover those hidden and unknow parts of you.
What is the worst thing about lack of self-awareness?
A lack of self-awareness can lead to numerous problems in your life such as poor decision-making, difficulty in forming meaningful relationships, and an inability to overcome personal challenges.
Additionally, the lack of self-awareness can lead to low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. Because you have no idea who you are and what you stand for, asserting yourself becomes a tricky issue.
People who lack self-awareness are often unable to identify their strengths and weaknesses, which can lead to a distorted view of reality. If you have no internal compass, then all your efforts become guess work and you feel aimless.
A lack of self-awareness can make it difficult for you to develop meaningful goals and take steps towards achieving them. If you don’t know who you are, you will not be able to create goals that align with your values, because you don’t know your values.
Benefits of self-awareness:
Self-awareness can help you become more forgiving (to yourself and others), more grateful for what you have and the the life you have lived. When you become self-aware you start to recognize how limited/small your life has been, because now you see a lot of hidden stuff.
With this awareness, you start to see possibilities/opportunities and you become more daring to want more, seek more, and question more.
You will realize that the more self-aware you become, the greater mental and emotional resiliency you develop. Your decision making capabilities improve and you start building deeper & stronger relationships with the people you interact with.
The biggest payoff in becoming self-aware is that you will soon discover that you cannot change anyone, that it is not your job to do so and that you should not aspire to make it so. Everyone has to go through that learning journey by themselves so that they can discover themselves.
Objections to self-awareness often come from people who prefer to avoid learning about themselves and their own inner experiences. Some people choose to stay in the dark because they find self-reflection quite depressing, too intimidating, or just plain frightening. And to a degree, it is. Their objections are understandable.
It is important to remember, however, that self-awareness is a foundation for personal growth and development, and it can bring valuable insight into how you interact with the world. Through self-awareness, you can gain perspective and learn how to better manage your reactions to life’s events. To quote Jennifer Kyalo, “self-awareness requires curiosity, courage and honesty”. Take the plunge my friend!
If you continue to fight against self-awareness, you are only delaying your success and suffering unnecessarily.
How do you know you’re self-aware?
You will know you’re self-aware:
-when you start to treat yourself with kindness
-when you’re able to look at yourself objectively, and analyze your life logically
-when you start to realize you are not your problems.
-when you’re able to accept your mistakes with grace and move on from them,
-when you’re not only aware of yourself but also of the environment you’re in,
-when you’re able to distinguish between your wants and needs
-when you’re able to set healthy boundaries and be assertive
-when you’re able to work through issues with clarity and understanding.
-when you start accepting that you don’t have all the answers and you never will, and that that is okay.
The Self-awareness Framework:
To become more self-aware, try the following:
- Challenge your views/assumptions/beliefs about life, the world and everything in it. Blindly accepting things as they are limits you, and makes it harder to understand other people. You can’t develop empathy when you are stuck in your beliefs. Separate your beliefs and opinions from your identity.
- Learn to see feedback as a gift. Not everything is a personal attack. If it’s true, use it to learn. If it is false, don’t attach too much meaning to it. It is better to be aware of your blind spots than to walk around thinking you have everything figured out when you don’t. Always remember everyone is telling you things from their own point of view, so feedback sessions are not a time to defend yourself, they are a time to listen and learn.
- Quit listening to so many opinions about everything from everyone. Everyone today has a soapbox. Have you noticed the numerous experts and gurus everywhere telling you what you should be doing with your life? There is more noise in the world than ever before and it gets worse if you are a user of the internet and social media especially. Learn to listen to your own voice. You don’t need to get the opinion of your 200 followers about everything. I advice that you find few trustworthy/honest people who are not afraid of you or wowed by you (your success/knowledge/position in life) to seek feedback from. These people should be willing to tell you the truth because they have your best interests at heart. Seeking counsel from them is not seeking validation. Always have an internal compass that directs you.
- Don’t get rigidly attached to one label/identity/story/version of yourself. You are multi-faceted. That’s a good thing. If anything labels do not always empower you, they limit you to that one thing. So be open to experiencing life in its various forms, you never know what you might stumble upon that might change your life. The goal of self-awareness is to help you evolve and become a better version of yourself.
- Practice introspection. This is not a time to ruminate on the bad things, it is a time to rationally analyze a situation/thought/feeling, without judgment, guilt or shame. Don’t spend introspection time trying to convince/force yourself to think in a particular way. Be curious. Be an objective observer. Take the time to understand yourself. Don’t try to control the outcome. Become a student and learn who you truly are, so that you know how to relate with yourself.
- Embrace solitude. Solitude is a space with no input from another mind. Just you and you. No music, no books, no film, no social media, no external input. Use that time to journal and reflect on your life. This practice helps in clarifying your thoughts, and helps in clearing your mind.
If you are surrounded by people who are not self-aware and you become frustrated by them, read this qoute:
“Don’t criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”
Abraham Lincoln.
Let me know how your self-awareness journey is going, and share this with a friend. It shows them that you care.
Safe Space Arena 
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