Editors Note:
To build mental wealth, you need effective resources that help you handle (in a healthy way) 3 key elements: thoughts, feelings and actions!
That’s where this newsletter comes in.
Each week, I share with you simple mental health tips that have been proven to work.
And I show you how you can apply them to your life, every day!
Let’s dive in!
By now, you are probably drowning in a sea of “mental health content.” It is the in thing and people are speaking more openly about their struggles. This is good progress.
If someone opens up to you that they are dealing with a mental illness, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc., the problem that you will likely face is looking for the right thing thing to say.
In this article, I share with you a few things you should never say to someone with a mental illness, and in the end, I give you a few examples of things you can say.
If you’d rather watch a video instead of reading this, then here you go:
- Cheer up, let it go, think positive thoughts, think happy thoughts:
This is quite dismissive.
You’re basically saying “ignore your problem, endure it in silence and make a decision to be positive.”
This implies that mental illness is a mindset issue, and you can cure it by changing your attitude.
Is there anything more unrealistic!
The reason this is harmful, is that it can make people ignore and deny their problems, and not seek help. And it brings guilt and self blame. The person starts to think, “it is my fault that I am suffering. What is wrong with me, why can’t I think positive and be okay, like everyone else?” - You have such a great life, you seem so happy, it could be worse, others have it worse:
This belittles and invalidates the person’s experience with mental illness.
It implies there are external factors such as money, success, fame, etc., that should prevent mental illnesses.
And above all else, this is not the pain Olympics, nobody gets a reward for suffering the most.
Always remember that the “happiness” you see on their face could be a façade.
Mental illnesses do not have a face. - It’s all in your head:
Again, this minimizes the mental illness and its impacts.
This phrase also ignores the physical manifestations of the illness. - It is normal, everyone experiences mental illness:
First of all, false. Not everyone is walking around with a mental illness.
And second, saying this to someone can stop them from seeking the help they need. - I once had the same issue, my friend/relative had a similar issue:
This is not the time to share your horror story. This is not the time to make the conversation about you. This is not the time to share the worst possible outcomes of having the said mental illness.
You are making things worse, you are instilling fear and hopelessness, and this may make the person avoid seeking help, because the outcome you present is not motivating at all. - Don’t worry, this too shall pass, you just need some time, everything will be fine:
Again, you are minimizing the person’s experience by glossing over it so fast with false optimism.
This response makes the person sharing feel awkward. And, you are making it seem that you are uncomfortable discussing difficult topics, so you would rather brush it off as soon as it is brought up.
In future, this person will find it difficult to discuss things with you.
Avoid this phrase, and encourage the person sharing to see a professional. - I know how you feel:
No, you don’t. - God gives His toughest battles to His strongest warriors:
Maybe God is testing your faith; just pray and believe, go to church and your pastor will pray to break the generational curse; maybe you are possessed; maybe you are bewitched; it is the devils work; alisoma sana akachizi:
No. Just no, please.
Firstly, the person will obviously not seek the medical help they need.
Secondly, if they are struggling with their faith, this might push them even further away.
Thirdly, this brings self-blame, because they see mental illness as punishment for some wrong doing.
Lastly, this statement ignores the realities of life that contribute to mental illnesses.
What to say to someone going through a hard time:
Here are a few examples of what to say to someone who tells you they are dealing with a mental illness or mental health challenge:
- I am here for you, talk to me, I’m listening.
- Thank you for opening up to me/for telling me/for trusting me.
- Would you like to talk about what you are going through?
- If you wanna talk about how you feel, I’d like to hear it.
- You are not alone in this, I will stand by you.
- You have my support. I’ve got your back.
- It is okay to cry/express your emotions/to want some time alone.
- Have you spoken to a therapist/mental health professional about this?
- I will go with you to see a professional if that is okay with you.
- You matter to me, to your family, to your friends, you are important.
- What can I do to help?
- I love you, and I’m here for you.
Or you could just sit with them in silence, and listen, if that is what they need.
The next time someone shares something difficult they are going through, be keen about how you respond, and you will see that it really makes a difference.
Let me know what you think about these points. And share any that have worked for you in the past.
You can leave a comment below, or find me on the socials as @safespacearena
Also, share this with a friend. It shows them that you care.
Safe Space Arena 
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